Your Mom
by Peridot Tears
Summary: China shook his head despairingly. Why did he agree to teach America Chinese curses again? "You sound like a sheep, aru!" Rated for abuse of common curses.


_Disclaimer: No tacchi! D_

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"Cao ni maaa…"

"Aiyah." Yao shook his head, an elder to a child. "You sound like a sheep, aru."

America, only blinking once, tried again. "Tao ni ma."

"You're saying 'cao' wrong, aru!" Yao's brow furrowed. Honestly, why did Alfred so insist upon learning a Chinese curse?—around him, he acted as if he had never met a Chinese person before. How long had they been doing this?—an hour?—a half? Yao wanted only to walk away, do something else—maybe improve that Guangzhou duck he had trouble with—too salty—

"Sao ni maaa!"

Oh.

Right.

He had done that last week. Was his memory going, or what?

Why did he agree to this again?

Inwardly groaning, and wondering why he had ever switched to using pinyin, he turned back to the American, who was staring at him with a somewhat hopeful look—a rather confident one.

"Cao ni ma"; and then he stopped. How was he to get the pronunciation of the first word right? "…'Cao.' 'T' and 's' in Wade-Giles."

"Chao."

"_Cao."_

"Cao ni maaa!"

Yao paused. _That was…all right…aru…_

"Good enough!" he said finally. _Wade-Giles…_

Oh—he never liked how wine was written in Wade-Giles anyway…

He focused on America again, surprised to see a spark in his eyes, as if the boy—because compared to Yao he was a _boy—_had just accomplished a great feat. Yao wanted to tell him that had not, and was far from it.

"Cao ni maaa!"

Yao really wished that he would stop dragging out the last vowel…

"Cao ni maaa!"

And that accent needed fixing…

"Do you have any other curses? How do you say…" A pause. Yao looked at the young nation warily, annoyed and rather tired. Damn old age—

"…shit!" Alfred finished, and looked at Yao with an eagerness that matched that of a child's.

Shit?

"Aiyaaaaah!" Yao groaned, resisting the urge to drop his head on the desk in front of him. Honestly…

"So you've been cursing this whole time?"

_Wait, what?!_

He lifted his head, all at once alarmed.

"Aiyaaaah! So that's shit—"

"What!—no, aru!"

But Alfred was already out of Yao's house, running in the direction that looked frighteningly like west. America usually went back by the east…

--

Arthur loved his tea. He really did.

Black tea—it looked absolutely beautiful…sitting there, amber water, shaking gently every time he moved its cup—almost too good to drink. Shining there, gleaming in the light streaming in from the window. Tea next to a window—it was almost too perfect for a true Englishman like him. The sun was upon him, dusty—_if it ever fell into his tea…— _and all-around like melting butter. Sunny butter was the only kind of butter he liked to drop on his precious tea. Because tea was certainly life, it was something to be worshiped like a god—

BAM.

"ENGLAAAAAAND! CAO NI MAAAAA!"

The stains on the carpet never really did disappear, and America's face only stopped throbbing after a month.

--

_**PT: -Sighs- This is real failage. Rushed, not funny…urgh. –Headdesks- I'll edit it later, maybe.**_

_**Basically based off school. In my science class, some guy greeted me with a badly-said "konnichi wa"; then greeted him back with as much accuracy I could muster; then told him that I am, in fact, Chinese and not Japanese. Then some other guys asked me to teach them a curse in Chinese (by the way, Mandarin…apologies for any Cantonese speakers out there…), and I deadpanned with a very common insult—"Cao ni ma." For censoring purposes, as I've already said it enough, I'll ask you to look it up yourself. I had to correct them several times, and they still kind of screw it up. This one guy still drags out the last part. So yeah. They're still saying it for fun. And one guy yelled it at a teacher, thank God he didn't understand. I twitched a lot while that happened. And shit—they did ask, and I headdesked and yelled, "Aiyaaaah!" References: I had duck and rice cooked in the Guangzhou method, the duck is too salty. About the directions; when I went to China, I took a plane to Michigan, then flew across the Pacific in another plane, to Japan. Yes, Japan. Then there is a shorter plane ride from there, to finally get to China. I get home the same way. Oh, and Wade-Giles was the system used to romanize Chinese. Today the mainland uses Hanyu Pinyin.**_


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